I'm your silent evil...

I haven't been online all that much. No duh. right? But due to the craptastic homecoming I ot, I am now officially sick. I don't mean jus another common cold, but actually sick. I've sressed myself out so no I have to effing deal with an upset stomach and the lovely re-meeting of meals.

Lovely.

If anything it's made me feel worse by my  body shivering and the odd feeling being cold. So it's been rough for me. Sorry Mina, I would have called but for some reason it says your number has been disconnected. nd I havent been awake enough or even feling well enough come online.

IN any case, i've been surviving on tea and water. With the occasional PB and banana sadnwich.So i'm not too bad off. So in other words...I HATE the month of August. Not only has it been a year since my dad died ( I miss him erribly) But it's also the month of this mesy, information lacking probate. And to top it all off, the douchebag brother is coming off a month long liquor binge. That and the douche bag nephew is starting to become a hinderance than a help.
 If anything, I thought he wouldn't turn out like his mother. Be you know, dependable and stuff. But of course I guess I had far too high expectations of him. he last straw was that he had the nerve to think he had any right to raise his voice at me. In my own home...of all places> no, simply doesn't happen.
So what ever he decides, I no longer will give any opinions or advice. I left here thinking I could at least have the ease of mind he would help out his granmother. I was proven wrong. So it may seem harsh, but that's how it goes in this family.  Should I just let it go, well the more he will disprespect this house house. Not from some kid who thinks he's a man, but has no sense, except to beat anyone up who pisses him off.

The dissapointment of it all. But I do feel I gave hi the benefit of the doubt. He isn't as smart as I thought he'd b.e. In fact, he's turned out to be a carbon copy of his mother.  Whom might as well as say is an alcoholic as well.  But in any case it's time for some rest...2am.

the practise of one's texting skills. i guess at 30 i'm late with this skill.

My goodness it has been a while since I posted here. Ah well, blogging about my life seemed to get a tad boring for me. But however, I realise that no matter what, I have need to be vocal. If not, well  I get lost in my own thoughts.
 So I end up writing somewhere. Though does writing actually include typing on a computer? Eh no matter if it is not.

So Other than that, I joined the Xbox360 owners crowd.  I couldn't resist getting one, besides the fact that Silent Hill: Homecoming was out. And I really did want to play it..I am simply loving it.  But other than that, Halloween is soon upon us. I am a bit excited, but not really. I dont really have any plans, which makes me a sad panda. Though I may just head on down to L.A after my doctor appointments come Friday.

So I am still alive, still boring me, and a bit sore for some reason. I must have been tensing my shoulders without realising it again. I really have to stop doing that...

Blogging has definatly become a constant in my life at the moment. Even though I don't really post that much here.  But most days I really haven't too much to share. Neither really insightful, personal, or even humourous.
Then agan I have been spending quite alot more time on MYSPACE..COM and LIVEJOURNAL Amazingly enough I know but a few on each site that I can and will call friends.

But even then there are things I don't tell all of my friends. Mainly because I don't want them to know, or it doesn't concerne them. I guess that's a fault of mine. i'm really not the "emotional" type that shares every single feeling. Sometimes I belive that I am incapable of doing so.

However, that isn't the point of this post. No it's really just to update this blog. It's grossly neglected, even though I don't have many friends.  am in fact very much a show off. I know i'm not that goregeous type. But in truth, I am happy with who I am. Well as long as my moods are pbeat. If not, well I am that demon your religeous figure warned you about.  Not entirely evil, but a savage mood can easily destroy everything i've worked hard to amass.

So yes I am a small evil it seems...

Me-2008

Once again i've managed to find my password for vox. Actually i'm quite glad to have recieved a remined of the weekly neighborhood update! Ok so I admit that LiveJournal has been my drug, and not to forget the online journal of my inane and pointless banter. Well ok not as pointless as I thought, but somehow I keep coming up with...Topics ^^

So now I plan to take a break from LJ, namely because....Well no particular reason. Somehow I feel like I can't really be myself there even though I am. Lots of things have gone on since I even remotely looked at this website. No my grammar still hsn't improved too much. I doubt it ever will, unless I practise a whole bunch. But then again If I concentraed on puntuaion, grammar and sometimes even spelling i'd forget what I was talking about.
 Yes it's easy to distract me, and well that is a problem. But with medication i've been able to really improve mentally. I still have my ups and down, but sometimes I really do feel as if i' \m doing nothing but complain. Anyone who knows me might say I am and I wouldn't disagree. But it's another thing to feel alone in my own complaints. Naturaly I still haven't learned too well how to rely on other people who genuinely want to be friends and hel.
 Sometimes I think I will always be that way. Not too bad a deal...well that is if I want to be a hermit the rest of my life. Which by now, i've think i've been really good a. but once more, understanable to me because of the problems i've had with my eyes.

Life is hard. Sometimes I really do wonder if I can go on. basicly i'm falling apart at the seams faster than I can repair the shreds. But still I try. I hav4e really nothng else to do at the moment. Well at least until I get this stupid effing caract removed from my right eye.  The only time i've ever wanted cybernetic eyes al la Ghost In The Shell.
  Reluctantly , slowly, and methodical I pace on. Today I just want to be something other than what i've been. But sometimes the grey days are to blame. Somewhere, maybe in a different dimension; there is a version of me who has everything I could possibly ever want. I can't say if I would be jelous, or even wish to have it all. But frankly, i'm quite happy with what I have. Maybe one day I will learn how to open the door to let friends in?

Look, i'm actually posting here. Right now to ease the pain in my head, shoulder and foot i'm on Vicodin. It certainly has been ages since I wrote a post here. But hey, at least it's loosened me up a little. I meanusuay i'm a clam when it comes to personal issues and thoughts.  In any case I really have started to come to terms with myself.

But not to sound completely narcissistic and vain, I bring you the story of my day. Which was slow and enjoyable.Unlike the two weeks I spent in Los Angeles with my brother; who had just moved back from Hawaii. Actually I never did get to visit him while he was over there, but it certainly is good to have my brother back back on the main land.  Both him and his wife enjoyed it for the year they were there, the calm and slow really did wonders for them both. They got the necissary healing they both needed, and came back refreshed.

But actually I forget where this was going. Ah well, it may seem like rambling but for some reason, letting go like this is difficult. I'm not xactly the the talkative and open person I sometimes portray. I like people, but there is a shy streak in me that is most apparent on first time meetings. Somehow I end up just watching nd listening to people speak.
 Take for instance, my first ever meeting with a gentleman named Max Gail. I haven't a clue who he is, as he's a friend of my brothers. But he was interesting and a very generous man. I would love to get to know him, ask him questions about himself and so forth.

But anyways there is a thing i've noticed about myself. And i've had this confirmed by strangers...Apparently i'm cute *makes face* Certainly I don't think of myself as being cute, but apparently older guys find me being so. It's funny and it always gets a blush or a girlish giggle out of me. But wow, I find that really ego boosting.
But enough of that and this post. I certainly have no clue what else to reveal. So maybe in the future I will be able to say more and make even more friends.

Did I mention I like making friends?  But yes I like making friends, real friends....

Well now it certainly has been a while since i've uploaded here yeah? Halloween was great, save the somewhat anti-haloween spirit around the house. Not much really else to say other than the world is dying once more. How depressing...but pretty! I'm actually excited to hear the rain and see the grey skies.
So i suppose it's been quite a mystery to who I am, what I look like, and how I sound....
I have one picture currently. Naturally I hate it. I' not very photogenic. heheh at least not up close, or even a full body shot. Nope not photogenenic in anyways...well maybe if I was wearing a cool costume and a few latem protetics I think i'd be alright ^^
So so don't be afraid....and don't blame me if you get nightmares, or something unexplanable happens to your monitors! ^^ ciao for now....cause it's sleep time. It really is.  because how else would I have remembered my stupid password for this thing? I need to write them down...feh

And so I begin  to post these words...Why? It's rather late and i'm still awake. Wdll not for long. it's quiet, it's chilly out and lo'and behold the right time for sleeping! In other wors I have no real idea what I am going to be writing here. Maybe a song, a little dance...Pikachu's head on a lance? Ok no pikachu was harmed inmaking of this blog....I like the little elctro furrball! I mean who wouldn't? beisdes it being a cartoon...I was always liking jigglypuff and growlite. 
...Er why am i rambling on about pokemon? I'm tired, that's why! Anyhoo I will most likely have more of my mug pasted on this place. I hate my older pictures, but rarely am dressed up to take new ones ^^ I don't mind how I look, but image isn't really what i'm all about it's the fun. I think anyone who is soely on image alone is missin gout on a great deal of fun, mystery and all around good time.
IAmazingly enough, I think this looks alright...but in fact I am too tired to really edit this thing properly. The grammar police have a warrant for my arrest! but they will never take me alive!

,,,floofy???